My Greatest Teacher

 

People who know me say that I am a people person. It is true and I know that I got it naturally from my maternal grandmother, Louise Espanola Jackson-Wright-Wilson. Grandma Wilson was my best friend and confidant until she died in 1960. From the time I was a little girl we were extremely close. She was the first person from whom I felt the wholeness of unconditional love. I don’t remember her ever chastising me for anything that I did, but she always made me take a closer look at my decisions and subsequent actions, by asking me one question; “Why do you think that you did that?”  She gave me my first opportunities to be consciously introspective and taught me think things through and make better choices for my life. Her acceptance of me, no matter what I did, made it easier for me to understand others. I can now empathize and not judge their situations because I genuinely want to help them. I think that my grandmother saw some of herself in me and she seemed to have made it a life mission to expand my knowledge about the differences and the sameness of people.  Through her example I learned to make no distinction between rich or poor, white, Hispanic, black, or Asian. While observing her I developed my interpretation of what love is; true love is when one has an all-consuming desire to understand a person or situation and then is not only less apt to judge, but rather more likely to expand one’s concepts of true empathy. Like my grandmother, I find all people and their situations fascinating and always feel that there is no end to what I can learn from them. Her interest in people was contagious, and I got the bug, big time.    

When I was in fifth grade my grandmother decided that she wanted to move to New York City to be near my uncle.  I was devastated as it seemed to be the end of our adventures; shopping downtown in Minneapolis, going to the movies, and lunch at the Nan Kin Chinese restaurant.  Through tear-filled eyes I watched her board the Greyhound bus bound for the big apple, sure that my life had collapsed like an undercooked soufflé.

I could not have been more mistaken by concluding that her move to New York City would sever our ties.  It actually catapulted me into an expanded life experience, because every summer she would send for me and our adventures became even more unique.  I never knew where the two of us would end up; walking down an alley and then ushered to the backstage of the Zeigfeld Theater to visit a friend and cast member of Finians Rainbow in her dressing room, or chatting with fellow passengers on the Staten Island Ferry. With New York’s boundless supply of great ethnic variety, our culinary ventures went into full throttle. She introduced me to my lifelong passion of international cuisine.

I must admit that some of our excursions could be a little frightening. I loved being with my grandmother and knew that she would never let anything bad happen to me on our subway escapades to the Bowery in New York City.  Those rides were always exciting, although sometimes, I will have to admit that I was afraid since we always traveled at night. This was the time when the train was between cleanings and reeked of urine and was littered with trash.  There were always men and women cocooned in filthy blankets sleeping in their rolling dormitory, apparently with no other place to go. My grandmother always found it easy to begin a conversation with someone who was still awake. It became clear that no matter the setting, being backstage at a theatre; riding on the ferry, eating in a restaurant, or sitting on the subway, her queries were always the same; “How did you come to this place in your life?”.

She particularly liked going to the Bowery, so that I could observe the people, hear their stories about the choices they had made, and learn of the hardships that they were experiencing in their lives. So when we arrived at our skid row destination and got off of the train, she would immediately begin searching for the first person to interrogate.  I was always fascinated while watching her interactions with total strangers; men and women in dirty clothes with liquor on their breath and vacant looks in their eyes. My grandmother interacted with these folks as though she had known them since infancy. She would ask them questions about their lives and how they got to be residents of skid row. Sometimes in tears they would pour out the stories of their demise from former positions as bankers, neurosurgeons, or aspiring actresses, to being homeless substance abusers, and in some cases detailing their battles with mental illness. They respectfully answered all of her questions as if this inquisitive little lady was their own grandmother too. Because of her example, I often find myself extracting information from surprised individuals who can’t believe they are telling me the secrets of their lives.  My ex-brother-in-law used to say that I had chosen the perfect profession as a counselor since I was always in every one’s business anyway. I’m not sure, but I think that maybe he was joking.

I care about people because I know that although unseen, we are all connected through a network of electro-magnetic physical interactions. I will have to admit that my concerns are not always altruistic, but rather are motivated by self interest since the well being of others eventually affects my personal security and happiness. I also get great satisfaction seeing others happy and content with their lives.

We all have what I call “leaky edges” and the emotions that we feel, whether happy or sad, vindictive or compassionate, seep out and become contagious affecting others around us like a fast-moving tsunami. We have all been in situations where one person could change the mood in the room from good-humored to sad or vice-a-versa, just by their presence without a word being said. Recently a friend of mine shared her experience when she went to the funeral of a friend’s father out of respect to the family.  She did not know the father, but she said for that hour, all the sadness in the world was in that church sanctuary. In spite of her attempts to focus on other things, she too became so distraught that she also began to cry uncontrollably.

I had the privilege of working as a volunteer at the Fred C. Nelles California Youth Authority Detention Facility a few years ago and during our sessions I would watch these usually guarded adolescents soften and shed their callousness as I asked about their childhoods, their families and relationships, both inside and out of the institution. The boys appeared stunned that someone was actually interested in their lives.  The authorities reported to me that they saw a shift in the boys’ behaviors and that these youth became more caring in their interactions with fellow inmates.

Everyone needs attention to feel alive and vital. Some people do not care how they receive it, whether it is negative or positive. I am a firm believer that if each person shows a genuine interest in another’s life by letting them know that they are seen and heard, we could prevent many problems.  Imagine what could happen if everyone took the time to inquire of a troubled teenager by asking how they are feeling and showing a genuine curiosity about their reality.

On another occasion, I was meeting some of my friends for lunch outside their office in Santa Monica, Ca.  When we had all convened on the sidewalk, a scowling young man approached us to ask for money.  As I looked at him, I could see that he was dirty and his clothing was ripped and shabby and his shoes were worn.  We all agreed to give him the cash that he had requested, but I told him that before we gave him the money that I wanted him to promise me something. I could not resist my Grandma Wilson’s spirit as she directed me to tell him to find a mirror and see what he had done to himself and to question the condition of his life.  He was furious, but wanted that money, so he agreed that he would do that.  Several weeks later, I got a call from one of my friends who had been there on that day.  She had been on her way to lunch and said that the young man was standing on the sidewalk outside of her office building. She did not recognize him at first, but when he approached her, he explained that he remembered that she had been one of the people who had helped him a few weeks ago.  He wanted to know if I was working in that building, because he wanted to thank me.  She explained that I did not work there but she could give me a message.  He said that even though he had been upset with me that day, he felt driven to do what I had asked.  When he did look in a mirror he was shocked at what he had become and vowed to himself to do better.  From my friend’s report, he was wearing new clothes; his face was clean and smiling.  He told her that he now had a place to live and was starting a job that week.  He told my friend, “Tell that lady that I said thanks for caring about me even when I didn’t”, and he walked away.

My grandmother and I had so much fun together, that I did not realize until much later that she was teaching me life lessons which would become part of the fabric of my life. I know the importance of reaching out my hand and heart to everyone that I meet, no matter their circumstances.  I want everyone that I encounter to know that I see them and want to hear their stories because each is important in my life experience. Everyone matters to me and is a valuable piece of my life’s puzzle.  I know that every day offers the opportunity to change a life through showing a caring and concerned interest.

I have never been back to New York City’s Bowery since those soulful journeys with my grandmother so many years ago, but I cannot believe that some of those late-night conversations with those men and women, and with me, a child at her side did not help to awaken a desire in some to begin their lives anew.

Thank you, Louise Espanola Jackson-Wright-Wilson, for teaching me the true essence of dynamic empathy and unconditional love. It was because of your nurturing of my desire to understand human behavior that you gave me the introduction to my life’s work of motivational speaking and counseling.  Because of you, I learned to see my connection to my fellow man and to recognize that we are all truly one. I feel your presence and hear your voice every day of my life.

“You make your life too hard.

It’s really easy when you know how to live it.”

          Louise Espanola Jackson-Wright-Wilson,

1889-1960

WAKE UP CALL

WAKE UP CALL

Every morning like clock work, as I am waking up, before I can even open my eyes, my brain begins jabbering.  It is going at mach speed, screaming about my finances, my relationships, and my health. On and on it goes.  Each subject is pushing and shoving to be the priority of the day.  I used to think that I was somehow punishing myself and that I was setting the tone for a worry-filled day before I even got out of bed.  And on many occasions that is exactly what I did; worry. I would find myself fixated on one problem after the next and wear myself out with wasteful anxiety.  That was before I realized that my mind was trying to give me the opportunity to ponder solutions for whatever my dilemma was. My brain was trying to help me, not torture me. 

As I began to take that insight to heart and to give myself the opportunity to change my mind, I envisioned a new approach to my life.  I decided that there must be a natural process as to how thoughts morph into form or how they can alter situations.  I realized that the things that have happened in my life came not from random thoughts, but from those thoughts that I gave unrelenting focus; whether it was happiness or fear and worry.

The reason for this is that when we concentrate (focus) on anything, our brain chemistry begins to change.  The frontal lobe which is located just behind the forehead accelerates into action.  It is the executive control center of the brain, monitoring higher order thinking, directing problem solving, and regulates the excesses of the emotional system.  It also contains our self-will area, or what some call our personality.  Steady focus on a subject then activates the connections from the frontal lobe to all of the senses directing them to respond only to those things that will bring about the realization of that thought.  It is the seat of unlimited imagination.  The more you focus, the more ideas and possibilities will flash across the screen of your mind building piece by piece the desired outcome.  The more you focus, the more ideas and possibilities will appear in your life.  It is surprising the ways that answers may appear. They may come on a bumper sticker, in a vivid dream, or an overheard conversation. The main thing is to pay attention to your surroundings and stay present in the moment and listen.

Thoughts, while powerful can do nothing unless they become the center of attention in the thinker’s mind.  Drifting, scattered musings cannot hold energy and are usually aborted because they do not register in the working memory of the frontal lobe.  It is when the individual decides to fully embrace the goal, whatever that may be, and makes it the center of their life that it has a chance to be demonstrated in their daily reality.

But the most important thing is to allow the idea to be bathed in the magical, and very real, power of imagination.  The idea must be allowed to gestate and grow there just as a fetus within its mother and to allow the thinker to bring into being the perfect replica of the original vision. Begin to dwell on the desired outcome, enjoying all of the colors, sounds and sensations. Allow them to permeate your days.  Make it real, begin to dress for the part, experience the role, and own the concept.  The process will simplify your ability to recognize and change your words and actions when they are not compatible with your goal.

Too often we find ourselves longing to be something that seems beyond the reach of our mind. It may be that you feel too old or too young or too inadequate to meet the criteria that you think is required to succeed.  My friend Stuart was such a case.  In his younger years he had been an actor and now that he was middle-aged and felt that he could never get a role at his age, but he passionately wanted to act again.  I told him to go and act. “See yourself on the stage, in a movie, or on television, being fit for your wardrobe, and sitting in make up”.  I asked him what type of parts he would like to play. He told me that he saw himself as a sophisticated Englishman.  So I suggested that he watch shows and see films with that type of character.  He began again to go to movie calls and joined a theater company and soon he was once again a working actor. He had fully utilized his brain power.

When I think of imagination, I remember daydreaming in school and once in a wonder filled reverie, was jolted out of my day dream and sternly admonished not to do it again.  What a mistake it is not allow daydreaming because it cripples our ability to create positive results in our lives. I think that all children, no matter their age, should be encouraged to use this natural ability that they are born with as a part of their educational curriculum.  It is the mind’s creative eye through which the imagination produces the image of people, places, and things and dictates your experience, according to how you imagine them to be.  Your frontal lobe, which is the home of your imagination, is finely tuned so it is imperative that it is exercised with the greatest of care because it is the final image that will materialize and be projected onto the universal screen of every individual life.  Imagination is impervious to whether it is being used in a negative or positive way.  Your imaging only does what your emotional mindset is demanding it to do.

One of the most memorable statements that I heard when I first attended a Louise Hay meeting was, “There is no one and no thing out there in your life except what you believe to be true.” What I understand now is that every person is witness to a personal reality created from their own belief system and created by their personal imaginings. 

So let’s look at this process more clearly using the steps that are always part of the Universal Law taken consciously or unconsciously to create the 360 degree reality that you are now living.

1.     You choose a thought; hopefully a positive one that will serve you and the world, and you give it your complete focus, not letting anyone or anything divert your attention, including words and actions that are not matching your ideal.

2.     You apply your amazing powers of imagination, allowing the temporal lobe to produce solutions and answers, allowing it to grow in scope and meaning. 

3.     You become open to a new experience and allow it to be projected into your world and begin to live it and celebrate it. 

When you become mindful of this inherent brain process you will come to the realization that life doesn’t just happen to us, it is projected from within us and the universe reflects back to you what you believe to be true. My mornings are no longer filled with sunrise terrors.  Before I open my eyes I visualize the positive outcomes that I want to see for my life and declare them to be done.  My days are now much more peaceful because I can be present in the moment without the distractions of nagging concerns.  Trusting the process, I know that I can look forward to a happy ending to my day, because that is the intention that I have chosen and is now my wake up call.

“You got to have a dream. If you ain’t got a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?”

(Oscar Hammerstein II,  South Pacific, 1949)

Nikki Di Virgilio, The Soul Reporter: The Unconscious Habit

Nikki Di Virgilio, The Soul Reporter: The Unconscious Habit

"HOW CAN I HELP?"

"HOW CAN I HELP?

My great-nephew Charles Rogers has launched a national “How Can I Help?” Day Saturday, November 6, 2010, in honor of his maternal grandmother, Clarissa Walker, on her 79^th birthday.  Charles had the privilege of spending many rewarding hours of his childhood with her in Minneapolis, Minnesota where he absorbed the lessons of generosity and sharing from this amazing woman who is the epitome of the phrase, “How Can I Help?”.

In her work as the grassroots organizer of The Food Shelf, she began each telephone and face-to-face conversation with, “How can I help?”, and she never failed to find a way to do just that; to help.  Clarissa Walker changed the lives of more Minnesotans than can be counted as she recognized the needs of the disenfranchised for jobs, food, clothing, and safe place for the homeless to sleep. Just imagine that if one person could do this, what all of us could do by taking up this cause.

When Charles said that he was going to establish this day, I felt a rush of excitement about the idea and could clearly see the impact that a change of thinking for this one day could have on me and the entire planet.  What if this motto became the prevailing consciousness of the masses?  What if no matter where you went or who you were with, your first thought was, “How can I help?”, and you in fact, found a way to act upon it? 

The adrenaline rushed through my body and I had already grasped the idea and was anxious to test this theory.  I could sense the naturalness of this feeling and all around me I could see that there were needs to be met.  At the grocery store for instance, I noticed that the clerk behind the register was tired and was edging on irritability.  I silently asked myself the question, “How Can I Help?”, and immediately knew that she needed someone to look her in the eye and ask her how her day was going. When I did ask her, she raised her head and looked at me with a surprised expression, smiled and thanked me for asking.  She didn’t go into the details about her day, but I could see that she was happy that someone had seen her and cared enough to inquire.  I realized that it was not all about giving in a material or monetary way, but of truly giving of yourself, empowering those around you, and by honoring their being and giving them an opportunity to see their lives in new and more expansive ways.

I know that just my thinking in this way is causing the world to shift and change its focus from, “How can I use you?”, or, “How can I avoid helping you?” to, “How can I help?”.   The evidence appeared immediately when five people, randomly and spontaneously reached out to me to help in various ways.  The first was a dear friend who lives on the east coast and who woke me by phone so that she could tell me how much she treasured our friendship and the wonderful things that she saw for me. The second was my niece who said she had just put money into my account as a token of the value she placed in me and the positive effect that I have had on her life. The third was a friend who reads my blogs and realized that I must have been absent on the day they taught punctuation  and who volunteered to take the  task of editing just because she wanted to be sure that what I present is of excellent quality and  will successfully provide new thoughts for my readers. The fourth event of help was receiving a gift from a friend who counted me among those who had influenced the joy of her days. The fifth was from my sister, who always seems to know just what I need whether it is financial or simply a word of encouragement.  As I put these events into perspective, I realized that the law of reciprocity was operating and that even as I thought of how I could help others it was returning to me in kind.  It is important to recognize and acknowledge when you have been touched by this wave of generosity of the spirit.

I look forward to the day when this thought of assisting our fellow man embraces the world and it becomes the sincere campaign slogan for our politicians and world leaders.  When they realize the necessity of recognizing the power that is inherent in honestly appreciating, understanding, and fulfilling the needs of their constituents, they will have erased the lines of division and achieve absolute equality and cooperation.

Please join me this coming Saturday, November 6, 2010 as we honor Mrs. Clarissa Walker by circulating her caring spirit to touch everyone on the planet with her offering to humanity. In this age of technology let us send this all-encompassing message of being to all the inhabitants of the earth. We can enrich our friends and family by sending this inspiration of unconditional love. Remember that we are one. Let us make, “HOW CAN I HELP?”, the mantra for the world.

YAY TEAM!!!!

YAY TEAM!!!!

We are one.

We are one.

I am you and you are me and we are one.

And in this unity,

We can live in harmony.

And peace will come, because we are one.

I am gravely concerned with the conditions that I see escalating in today’s world.  The intractable refusal of elected officials to work together for a greater cause is unacceptable. The lack of civility and respect in the political arena by our leaders gives me very little confidence in the future.  I see unapologetic hatred being spread like deadly venom through the system of the world population.  Something has to be done to change this before it is too late; the flames of insurrection are being fanned. 

Just as the messages of callous disdain for fellow human beings are being communicated at a very high frequency, those of us who care about each other need to begin to broadcast a message of solidarity.  Our message must be of oneness, of equality and understanding.   

I have quoted the song ”We Are One”, because I believe that if we can embody this idea of oneness it will replace and clear away the confusion of the rampant fear being disseminated that leads us to feel enmity toward those that we must live with together in this world.

Since I have moved to beautiful downtown Hemet, California, I have found that there is not a lot to do here; I now fill my time as a fan of every sport that my grandchildren are involved in.  Who could have guessed that I would become a soccer grandma?  My many hours at the soccer field have given me an insight into teamwork that I feel can be adapted to the way that we relate to our fellow man.

Here are the things that I have learned: In observing the winning and losing teams, I can usually detect if the team members are working as collaboration, or if individuals are focused on being the outstanding player, ignoring the fact that there are other participants who have skills to offer.  The teams with the ball-hogs seldom win. The drive to win as an individual, even to the detriment of their own team, often brings about the loss. It is those who play with the concept of valuing the contributions of others who always seem to gain the upper hand.  A good team has great communication skills with their leader and each other.   The players communicate with each other on the field, so that they know where to pass the ball to the player with the greatest advantage to make the goal.  Everyone participates to the best of the teams ability.

These observations have caused me to look at the world in a new way.  As the words of the song of, “We are one”, I began to see how to translate these methods to the interactions between all people, places and things.   I could see that it is a necessity for our survival to communicate our needs trusting that other people have our back for the sake of the larger game of life.  We must recognize our connection with everything and everyone.  For instance, the seed when planted becomes partners with the nutrients in the soil, and the water and the sun, waiting for it to bloom.  The seed does not, and cannot do it alone.   Non-competitive teamwork, performed with the best possible outcome in mind, allows each contributor to perform its specialty to the maximum. It is the same with the human body, which is made up of millions of cells, each specializing as organs, tissue and limbs, communicating with one another to assure that the body operate with optimum performance.  We humans are the cells of the greater body of humanity and must learn to work in cooperation, doing our part for the greater good of each other and our planet. One cell cannot do it alone.

When I think about the relationships that I most admire and deem to be successful, they are relationships consisting of those who realize that in order to evolve they must allow each participant to shine in equal brilliance.  One can recognize the presence of this success factor not only in marriages, families, and communities, but in corporations and countries as well. 

I find it curious that the people of this world have not noticed that the cancerous division is not working, and that they are not recognizing that unification is the only course that can ultimately lead to peace.

Although we have moved rapidly in technology, we have not moved past our primitive emotional fight or flight beginnings and still believe that we are surrounded with, and hotly pursued by saber tooth tigers and mastodons.  But, even our predecessors eventually came together as clans living a communal life, and realized that it was more advantageous to work together as a group.   Because we believe that we live in an adversarial world and that we are surrounded by enemies, we have developed the way of thinking that everyone, and even inanimate objects, are always resisting us.   The general philosophy is that we must stand alone and fight for everything. We have not yet realized that we must learn to cooperate (form a coalition) with all things.  Since we don’t live in that belief, there is great strife and the world is becoming more torn and damaged.  We are like conjoined twins fighting each other and neither twin wins.

We are endowed with a great power that we do not yet know how to consciously direct for the positive outcomes that we desire in our lives.  Our supreme power is our ability to connect in visible and in invisible ways, to coalesce with others to move ahead with the unlimited resources of cooperative energy.  This power is not here and ours to use to express supremacy, but rather to fuel a greater equality.  Because of our lack of understanding we wrongly believe that is to be used to dominate and overwhelm others. 

When I see the strife being caused by those who cling to the old paradigm of divide and conquer through racism, religion, economics, sexism, politics, etcetera, I realize that we are not getting along, because we have not yet learned how to come together.  We must train ourselves to communicate with those that we feel are different, and be willing to see who they are and honor their individuality.  Only when we can present ourselves openly and honestly can we have a conversation that will erase the feelings of separation.

My vision for this world is that one wonderful morning; we will awaken and see what has been invisible to the eye; the unbreakable ties we have to one another.  We will see our healthy and natural dependency on one another and realize that like the seed and the human cell, we do not and can not do it alone.  We will recognize that we live in a user-friendly world, with everything, and every one wanting to help us, and know that actually nothing has the ability to resist us. 

Each of us has something to give. However, we have been holding ourselves back because of a fear of rejection. It is time to offer your authentic self and your unique talents to the world. Your specialty is needed to create a cooperative oneness.  We must learn to ask for what we want in this life.  We must own the full expectancy that there is someone whose whole purpose is to fulfill your needs, by virtue of their individuality, just as you are equipped to fulfill the needs of others.

I am reminded of a story that you may have heard, but it goes like this:

“A man wants to know the difference between heaven and hell.

(Neither of which I believe in, but for the sake of the moral of the story, I will continue).

The man is taken to a room where there is a sumptuous banquet set before the guests.  Every delicious food that you could ever imagine was there.  He noticed that the only utensils provided were forks that were 36 inches long.  He was overwhelmed by the heavy feeling of sadness in this room which was also overflowing with enough bounty to satisfy every human appetite. The reason for this despair was that when the diners tried to feed themselves, because of the awkward length of the forks, they could not reach their mouths.  He noticed that they were all starving, and would quite possibly be in this state for all of eternity.

When the man entered the second room, he found a duplicate feast, and this time, the participants were also using the same awkward 36-inch forks, but they were not struggling to feed themselves, but rather were reaching across the table to feed each other.  The room was filled with laughter and joy as they fulfilled the needs of others, while each was getting fed.  They were all happy, healthy and satisfied.”

Unknown

We keep waiting for someone or something else to solve the problems of the world, but you are the solution. I am the solution. So let us all grow up, grab our forks and then we can heal the world by feeding each other.  We nourish each other with love and encouragement, not by beating each other down.  We can do this with a willingness to understand others and by offering a helping hand when we see that it is needed.

Remember that we are part of a planetary partnership; it is our individual responsibility to ensure the health of the cells and the cooperation of our team. We can only do well individually when everyone is operating at their maximum best together.

‘And peace will come, because we are one’.

DIVINE DISSATISFACTION

I am excited today, because I have decided to allow myself to do something new and that is creating and publishing my first blog. 

I was inspired to do so by a new friend who is also my great niece-in-law.  Nikki Di Virigillio, who authors a blog, The Soul Reporter that I have come to love and always look forward to reading.  My great nephew Chuck and she are recent transplants from my home in Minneapolis. It had been many years since I had seen my nephew who was a child at the time. I was happy and surprised to realize that we are so much on the same page in our thinking and the conversations have been expansive and informative. 

We have discussed our beliefs about life and about the responsibility that we all have for the outcomes that we each experience.  We realized that there is so much that we have not been told about how life works facts which would give us a great deal of relief and make life simpler.

I will now share with you some of the things that I have learned on my life’s journey.

*************************************************************

I have many happy childhood memories of growing up in Minnesota.  One recollection stands out for me.  I was eleven years old, and my dad Howard Logan had decided to surprise my sister Diane and I with a trip across the bridge from Minneapolis to St, Paul to buy each of us our first bicycles.

When we arrived at the Montgomery Wards bike department, Diane and I were set loose to choose any bike that we wanted.  We were ecstatic as we scurried from one shiny bike to the next.  Then in a moment of wide eyed joy, my eyes fastened on to what at that time could only be described as the bike from heaven.  It was pale blue and grey, it had a horn and a light, it was pure perfection.  My ecstasy lasted until I looked at the price tag and it occurred to me that my dad probably couldn’t afford it.  Somehow, I was able to loosen my grip and with a longing last look, I looked for and chose another at a lesser price. 

The trip home from St. Paul through a thunderous downpour was a mixed bag of emotions.  On one hand I was excited about getting any bike.  On the other hand, I kept thinking that if I could have had the other bike, I would never want anything else for the rest of my life, I would be eternally satisfied.

Well apparently  it was a magical day because as I mentioned it was pouring down rain, but as we reached the middle of the Mississippi bridge where the sign says ‘You are now entering Minneapolis’ there was not a drop of rain and the sun was brilliant and there was even a glorious rainbow to greet us.

Yes, just like in a fairy tale, when we got home and unpacked the bikes, I found that my dad had worked his magic and had gotten me my dream bike.  I felt powerful, I was the envy of the neighborhood, I rode like the wind.  I was certain, that I was the possessor of permanent joy all in one bicycle.

Well, in six months, you guessed it, I had lost interest in it.  It was scratched had a flat tire and I had my eye on something else.  I don’t remember what the new thing was, because there have been so many new things since then.  I do remember clearly, having the realization that I somehow knew, that I would never be satisfied for very long with anything.

I had stumbled on one of the mysteries of being human, what I have come to refer to as “Divine Dissatisfaction’, and that eventually everything loses its initial luster.  WHY?  From that day on, I wanted to answer this question, to know why there was always a driving need for more.  It took me many years, many cars that I couldn’t live without (I can’t even remember the colors now) Many homes (addresses long forgotten) that I just had to live in, many relationships (whose names elude me)that I just had to have, to discover the reason. 

Several years ago, I returned to college.  I was not seeking a degree, but I felt the urge to expand my personal knowledge.  I only studied subjects that perked my interest; I took varied courses for various reasons:  Child Development, because I was expecting my first grandchild; various psychology courses, to enhance my counseling skills; two anthropology courses, to see from whence I came; African American history for the same purpose; Algebra to see if I still had the same phobia for numbers (I did); Creative Writing, to hone my writing skills; and Spanish, so that I could order food in a Mexican Restaurant.

I was probably the oldest and most enthusiastic daytime student on campus, to the nausea of the younger students.  I was just awed by the fact that every day when I returned home, I knew more than when I had left that morning; this was beyond exciting to me.  I felt alive again for the first time in years.

It was biology that gave me the answer to my search and a whole new spiritual home.  While studying human cells, I came to realize that from the time of conception, when this single cell meets and blends with its counterpart, and begins to clone itself, we are being created anew, every moment of our lives.  Life is always in a forward and expanding process.

Since we are life, we are also constantly changing and evolving, becoming more physically, mentally and emotionally; everyday that we live.  The more I studied, the more aware I became of the genius that resides in each of us.  This genius is contained in each of the millions of individual cells that make us who we are. 

It is these atomically based microscopic cells that irrepressibly surge forward, with no regard for the past, toward the adventure of newness.  They cause us to be hungry for new information, for new experiences, new things, new people, new feelings and emotions, pulling us irresistibly toward growth and expansion.

With this information, I have since, made my peace with this phenomena of ‘Divine Dissatisfaction’.  I now realize that it is this driving force that is responsible for all of the wonderful progress being made in this world.  The practice of non-attachment became easier when I realized that it was virtually impossible to be attached to anything because of the nature of life itself.  I have learned to enjoy and appreciate what I have, when I have it, with the realization that, just like my wonderful bike, nothing is forever, and that’s okay.

The same goes for what would seem to be intolerable situations; they too have no staying power.  When I find my old beliefs and perspectives no longer fit my present circumstances, I gladly let them go for the new.

Now, when I feel myself growing bored, or totally losing interest in a person, place or thing, instead of feeling like a spoiled, ungrateful brat, I know that a natural evolution is taking place in my life and my soul rests.  I look forward with great anticipation to all things being made new again.

As we allow our personal visions to come forward from within us, we will recognize that it is the calling of our spirits, demanding that we take our next evolutionary step.  Simply comply, by making your thoughts, words and deeds fulfill the promise of your vision