DIVINE DISSATISFACTION

I am excited today, because I have decided to allow myself to do something new and that is creating and publishing my first blog. 

I was inspired to do so by a new friend who is also my great niece-in-law.  Nikki Di Virigillio, who authors a blog, The Soul Reporter that I have come to love and always look forward to reading.  My great nephew Chuck and she are recent transplants from my home in Minneapolis. It had been many years since I had seen my nephew who was a child at the time. I was happy and surprised to realize that we are so much on the same page in our thinking and the conversations have been expansive and informative. 

We have discussed our beliefs about life and about the responsibility that we all have for the outcomes that we each experience.  We realized that there is so much that we have not been told about how life works facts which would give us a great deal of relief and make life simpler.

I will now share with you some of the things that I have learned on my life’s journey.

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I have many happy childhood memories of growing up in Minnesota.  One recollection stands out for me.  I was eleven years old, and my dad Howard Logan had decided to surprise my sister Diane and I with a trip across the bridge from Minneapolis to St, Paul to buy each of us our first bicycles.

When we arrived at the Montgomery Wards bike department, Diane and I were set loose to choose any bike that we wanted.  We were ecstatic as we scurried from one shiny bike to the next.  Then in a moment of wide eyed joy, my eyes fastened on to what at that time could only be described as the bike from heaven.  It was pale blue and grey, it had a horn and a light, it was pure perfection.  My ecstasy lasted until I looked at the price tag and it occurred to me that my dad probably couldn’t afford it.  Somehow, I was able to loosen my grip and with a longing last look, I looked for and chose another at a lesser price. 

The trip home from St. Paul through a thunderous downpour was a mixed bag of emotions.  On one hand I was excited about getting any bike.  On the other hand, I kept thinking that if I could have had the other bike, I would never want anything else for the rest of my life, I would be eternally satisfied.

Well apparently  it was a magical day because as I mentioned it was pouring down rain, but as we reached the middle of the Mississippi bridge where the sign says ‘You are now entering Minneapolis’ there was not a drop of rain and the sun was brilliant and there was even a glorious rainbow to greet us.

Yes, just like in a fairy tale, when we got home and unpacked the bikes, I found that my dad had worked his magic and had gotten me my dream bike.  I felt powerful, I was the envy of the neighborhood, I rode like the wind.  I was certain, that I was the possessor of permanent joy all in one bicycle.

Well, in six months, you guessed it, I had lost interest in it.  It was scratched had a flat tire and I had my eye on something else.  I don’t remember what the new thing was, because there have been so many new things since then.  I do remember clearly, having the realization that I somehow knew, that I would never be satisfied for very long with anything.

I had stumbled on one of the mysteries of being human, what I have come to refer to as “Divine Dissatisfaction’, and that eventually everything loses its initial luster.  WHY?  From that day on, I wanted to answer this question, to know why there was always a driving need for more.  It took me many years, many cars that I couldn’t live without (I can’t even remember the colors now) Many homes (addresses long forgotten) that I just had to live in, many relationships (whose names elude me)that I just had to have, to discover the reason. 

Several years ago, I returned to college.  I was not seeking a degree, but I felt the urge to expand my personal knowledge.  I only studied subjects that perked my interest; I took varied courses for various reasons:  Child Development, because I was expecting my first grandchild; various psychology courses, to enhance my counseling skills; two anthropology courses, to see from whence I came; African American history for the same purpose; Algebra to see if I still had the same phobia for numbers (I did); Creative Writing, to hone my writing skills; and Spanish, so that I could order food in a Mexican Restaurant.

I was probably the oldest and most enthusiastic daytime student on campus, to the nausea of the younger students.  I was just awed by the fact that every day when I returned home, I knew more than when I had left that morning; this was beyond exciting to me.  I felt alive again for the first time in years.

It was biology that gave me the answer to my search and a whole new spiritual home.  While studying human cells, I came to realize that from the time of conception, when this single cell meets and blends with its counterpart, and begins to clone itself, we are being created anew, every moment of our lives.  Life is always in a forward and expanding process.

Since we are life, we are also constantly changing and evolving, becoming more physically, mentally and emotionally; everyday that we live.  The more I studied, the more aware I became of the genius that resides in each of us.  This genius is contained in each of the millions of individual cells that make us who we are. 

It is these atomically based microscopic cells that irrepressibly surge forward, with no regard for the past, toward the adventure of newness.  They cause us to be hungry for new information, for new experiences, new things, new people, new feelings and emotions, pulling us irresistibly toward growth and expansion.

With this information, I have since, made my peace with this phenomena of ‘Divine Dissatisfaction’.  I now realize that it is this driving force that is responsible for all of the wonderful progress being made in this world.  The practice of non-attachment became easier when I realized that it was virtually impossible to be attached to anything because of the nature of life itself.  I have learned to enjoy and appreciate what I have, when I have it, with the realization that, just like my wonderful bike, nothing is forever, and that’s okay.

The same goes for what would seem to be intolerable situations; they too have no staying power.  When I find my old beliefs and perspectives no longer fit my present circumstances, I gladly let them go for the new.

Now, when I feel myself growing bored, or totally losing interest in a person, place or thing, instead of feeling like a spoiled, ungrateful brat, I know that a natural evolution is taking place in my life and my soul rests.  I look forward with great anticipation to all things being made new again.

As we allow our personal visions to come forward from within us, we will recognize that it is the calling of our spirits, demanding that we take our next evolutionary step.  Simply comply, by making your thoughts, words and deeds fulfill the promise of your vision